Sharing the Costs of a Wedding
If you listen to all the talk, the topic of who paid for the wedding used to be a lot more straightforward. The bride's father took on the financial responsibilities, and that was the end of the story. As in most cases, though, the common thoughts on traditions has not always been in effect in reality.
There are actually two misconceptions about the traditional idea that the father of the bride pays for the wedding. The first is in the area of practicality: most fathers of the bride simply could not afford the price of the wedding on their own. The second is with the idea itself: even tradition did not dictate that the father of the bride paid for the entire wedding, but just for the reception.
In any event, the idea is outmoded in today's world anyway. The custom of the father paying for the wedding is a direct descendant of the idea that a father should let someone take the responsibility of his daughter off of his hands, and that she was a piece of property to be bought or sold. Such ideas are nonexistent for the most part in western society today, so we are informally making changes in the ways we deal with arrangements like weddings.
Today's wedding finances are usually much more equitable than in the past, with the bride's family, the groom's family, and the couple themselves all helping to pay the bills. With the average wedding today costing in excess of $20,000, it's a good thing that so many parties can contribute, too!
The most important part of sharing the costs for a wedding is the communication between the parties. All of the people involved should get together soon after the engagement is announced, in order to get to know one another and also as an opportunity to hash out the financial details. This is always going to be a bit awkward for everyone, so the bride and groom should probably talk to their respective families a little bit about the details before the actual meeting takes place. All parties should have some kind of idea of the people they would like to see invited to the wedding; the number of guests will be the bulk of the expenses as you will need to feed them and find venues that are large enough for everyone to sit comfortably.
The guest list should be the first order of business when it comes to financial planning. Having a number of people in mind will help you to determine the costs of almost everything else in the wedding; the number of invitations you'll need, the cost of the reception dinner, the size of venue for the ceremony and the reception. This can be an arduous project sometimes, as each person will have a list of "must-invites" to the wedding. There are several ways to make a decision in this case. The first is the bride's right to veto; if her college roommate is more important than her third cousin in her life, then she has the right to leave one off the list and invite the other. On the other hand, if family members feel that not inviting certain relations will result in strained relationships, they should be willing to pay for the cost of some extra people above and beyond their agreed upon percentage of the costs.
Finances are one of the most stressful parts of wedding planning. There really is no way to avoid some conflict, and the way you deal with differing opinions is what will determine how stressful the planning becomes.
Comments on Sharing the Costs of a Wedding »
Interesting perspective with good ideas. Please don't take this as a criticism. It's not meant to be one.
Love,
MOm